okay i flew into town yesterday to see my family. they planned a nice BBQ party (gross!). my aunt has a pool and so I decided to wear a ONE peice swimsuit under my clothes. When i got their my mom answered the door and just looked at me and didn't have a happy reaction right away, it took her about 4 secs b4 she said hi. she was just staring at my body. when i hugged her all she was doing was feeling my back. I just pushed my way in and said hi to everyone else. of course they were all just offering me food and crap. I went to swim and it was weird b cus every fucking body was just staring while i was sitting in the water. When i say staring i mean FUCKIN STARING. My mom just went to my dad and my cousin and started whispering. I felt so uncomfortable that i just got out and went inside. my aunt's fatass just stormed and asked me to eat her greasy-full-of-lard chicken and i told her i ate too much on the plane. my mom and dad came in and was staring at me like i was a freak. I just said fine and took the chicken i started taking bites from it and left the house, of course i just held the food in my mouth until i got to a bush and spit it out. GOD is was nasty, I peeled the chicken's meat off the bone and threw it in the bush as well. I came back in acting like i was still chewing some crap. I swear to god they all were sighing after they saw me throw the bone away. I put my clothes back on and just hung out with my little sis and her friends. I have to say it was the weirdest thing ever. I have to go back over their today so wish me luck, i think they're on to me.
sorry for typing so much ^_^
hw: 180
cw: 106
gw: 99
good bye
i hope you all live great wonderful lives. I hope I reincarnate into a butterfly or a bird. anything that is light so i can fly away in my next life. my life was way too long filled with pain. stay strong like i couldn't.
I love books, it was my passion so i think i should end it all in a place i love
- Location:at library
- Mood:
brave, ready,
well I realized that 3 weeks ago I would eat junk food but I wouldn't swollow it. but it would make me not full anymore. but i would do it sometimes when i know i've over eaten.
whatever.... I'm just going to continue ABC no matter what even if i binge.
week 3 of ABC:
starting weight: 180
current weight: 169
Goal weight 2: 160
Overall goal weight: 115
DREAM goal weight: 99
weight lost this week: 0
weight gained: 1/2 lb
- Mood:FUCKING MAD!
well i havent been here for a week because of my blog. but i realized that this site is so much better than my blog i binge more if im not on here. reading other ppls blog makes me more confident in reaching goal. sorry if anything is spelled wrong cus im in a hurry. got to go!
good luck! think thin everyone, u can reach ur goals in no time.
i feel like i cant be myself with school in the way. I wish school was out right now. so i can just be me. just be able to eat how i want without worring all the time. worrying about what my friends are saying to me all the time. just be able to have time for me only.
p.s. have a party to go to( friends b-day! whoo hoo!) but just not going to eat any junk they got there. just drink diet 24/7.
xoxo
- Mood:
uncomfortable
I had to eat chinese but i just had a little. but now, knowing chineses 1 bite has about 1000 cals, im going to excersice and get my butt off the computer. lol
- Mood:
sad
I'm not done yet! I'm going FULL WALL!!!
- Location:home, step dad's house
- Mood:
happy
im happy b cus my mom doesnt exactly say stay down stairs in ur room but she looks 4 a excuse for me to b down in my room. its retarted but as long as i stay away from bindging!!!
another thing is that i can say i have cramps for the rest of the week and she will believe me!! and if she does give me food, I have a dog to give it all to!!! its perfect!!
plus, i have privacy their so i can excersice more.
I'm beginning to lOvE hOmE(^_^)
but no computer i can use without ppl behind me 24/7
I lost 4 pounds in 2 days but i have to remember that my goal weight 5 is the farthest away so i have to speed it up!!!
hopefully by Friday I'll b under 160 pounds :((
How many cals are in oranges?? thanx!!
hope u all have a good happy day, with plenty of results (^_^)
okay today i had to have dinner with family. ugh it was tacos. gross!!!. i just had tomatos, lettus, and onions. and salsa with tons of hot sauce!!! and i didnt eat the tortilla. ^_^ which is 200 calories for 1!!!
oh i keep peeing alot! do u think its water weight? every 30 mins i have 2 go lol
Im soooo(x20) happy I restrict on JuNk FoOd today!!! didnt eat any food just diet coke ALL DAY!! I didn't excersice but I feel like I dont need too!!
YaY!!
I feel full and releaved and very proud of myself....
would u say that's fasting?
YaY!!
I feel full and releaved and very proud of myself....
would u say that's fasting?
- Mood:
hopeful
im kind of scared i saw my mom looking up eating disorder clinics on the computer. and when she realized i was behind her she quickly exited out. I hope its for my sister shes the opposite of me. she eats 24/7 even when shes not hungry and still complains about her weight to us. i just hope its for her. im not even a step close to my dream weight.
- Mood:
scared
I had a weird dream that a boy from my school wanted to kill himself but he didn't jump the first time off our school building so the next day he said he was gonna jump the teachers didnt care and was like whatever thats what u said yesterday.
then i remember standing there with a bunch of kids and all he was doing was staring down at us. then i remember leaving to get a perfect veiw of the kid and as soon as i saw him when i entered a room with good windows he jump.
I remember not hearing screams but at that second i was screaming and crying. I remember hearing teachers panicking. like 5 secs later cops came and interviewed me asking me what i saw. appearently i was the only one who saw him jump.
i remember the cops wouldn't let the kids back outside because the boys body parts were everywhere. I really don't want a dream like that ever again.
- Mood:
shocked
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